Don’t Try This In Real Life: The Dolphin Dive

 

OK, now don’t get me wrong. I love first person shooters. Running and gunning is probably my favorite style of gaming. But Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2 has introduced this ridiculous tactic which I have properly dubbed, “The Dolphin Dive”. We’ve all seen it. You’ll be aiming down the sites, clearing corners, when all of a sudden a runnin’ and gunnin’ SOB dives 3 story’s out of a window, lands perfectly prone, and kills you via headshot. To which we all say aloud; “are you kidding me?!”. 

Let me start out by saying that I am an Army combat vet. I wasn’t an office sitting, admin typing POG. I know what it feels like to wear full battle rattle (gear) and have to run around with it on. It’s exhausting. In real life you can’t just click L3 and be sprinting. There’s no perk for running faster. Now there have been times where I’ve had to get in the prone position quickly wearing all that gear. First, let me tell you, laying down on top of ceramic plates, fully loaded mags, a first aid kit, and night vision goggles is EXTREMELY uncomfortable, especially if you have to maintain a shooting stance quickly. I remember there was a handful of instances where I had to “dive” onto the ground with the gear. It hurts. It knocks the wind out of you, and if I had to immediately start shooting afterwards, it would be anything but accurate. 

The Call of Duty franchise likes to pride themselves on how accurate and life-like their games are. Now I’ll be the first to say, they do a great job at this. The weapons, dialogue, and maps are extremely realistic. That being said, they need to seriously re-think their take on diving to a prone position after sprinting 20 yards, because trust me, if someone in real life dove head first out of two-story window flat on their stomach while aiming down the sights of an assault weapon in full kit, they’d be missing teeth, have an optic sight half embedded in their eyeball, shattered elbows, and quite possibly some internal bleeding. 

So next time you dolphin dive out of a window and kill someone then hear that person screaming obscenities, just know what you did defies physics and modern medical understanding of what the human body can endure. That person deserves the right to kill you in an equally ridiculous way. Like throwing a 10 pound satchel charge of C4 at your feet then detonating it with them 30 feet away, but that’s a story for another day. 

Boom…Vent out…..What’s in your console? 

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